I HAVE BROKEN THE KEY TO MAKING POP SONGS!

That's right, prepare to be amazed. I have figured out the lyrical combination that can be used to make decent pop songs, or mindless hits.

Flash back to 2006, and you hear this on some radio station. Probably the Bounce if you're in Edmonton and actually listen to that station. If you don't, you may have heard this snippet from a passing Pontiac Sunfire.

Ain't no other man, can stand up next to you
Ain't no other man on the planet does what you do
(what you do).
You're the kinda guy, a girl finds in a blue moon.
You got soul, you got class.
You got style with your bad ass - oh yeah!
Ain't no other man its true - all right -
Ain't no other man but you.
Songwriters: Beatty, Harold; Martin, Chris E.; Roane, Charles; Mckinley, Mike; Boykin, Roger; Dioguardia, Kara; Aguilera, Christina; Otis, Clyde; Blake, Norman

That's the chorus to Christina Aguilera's "Ain't No Other Man" - I've highlighted the important parts. Personally, I file this under Mediocore Pop Song.

Now, back to the present, and here is a snippet from Beyonce's latest song "Why Don't You Love Me" (which for me is too close to the much better Garbage song, "Why Do You Love Me").

I got beauty, I got class
I got style, and I got ass
And you don't even care to care
Looka here
I even put money in the bank account
Don't have to ask no one to help me out
You don't even notice that
Songwriters: Beyonce and Solange Knowles

The video for this song just came out, and while others choose to break it down past the 1950's and redefining stereotypes, I just prefer to say 'meh'. Katy Perry did pin-up better in her video for "Thinking of You" by incorporating over-the-top modern style instead of crying with too much make-up on. Either way I'm bored with using the '50's and the '60's for videos, expecially post- Mad Men.

So what's the secret? Using the words "class", "style", and "ass". It's all so clear now!

Or not.
Class - what is class? Why is it so important? AKA whole other discussion.
Style - who doesn't have their own style, so is it that their style is trendy? Whole lotta originality there, but hey, to each their own.
Ass - everyone knows that one. In "Ain't No Other Man" it rhymes with 'class' and fulfills the "every girl wants a bad boy" theory. For "Why Don't You Love Me", it just means that Beyonce's hawt, so why the hell don't you love her?

Pop music is just a reinvention on old or borrowed material. That's why it's popular - a sense of nostalgia and comfort in old themes while still breaking the boundaries or [insert buzz phrase lifted from MTV here]. I'm using 'pop' broadly here - some would argue that Beyonce is R&B or whatnot, but really, it's pop. Don't even get me started on how much I dislike the message in "Single Ladies", the wannabe feminist anthem that everyone seems to think is the best thing.

If this were a different genre, lawyers might already be on this shit. 50 Cent was sued over "In Da Club" just because it mentioned the phrase "It's your birthday". I have no idea how the case turned out, but seriously. Coldplay has much more weighty accusations thrown at them and take it in stride.

There you have it, the secret to writing a pop song, be it about how awesome your man is because you own him, or how you desperately need a man to love you / how to guilt a man into staying in a relationship that isn't working you want to know why your man doesn't love you.